Maria's Random Rants

*This is an old rant from my pre-blogging days.

Every night before I go to sleep I try to console myself for my small failures that day; didn’t pay a bill, ate out for dinner, forgot to mail my sister a letter.  I try to shadow those failures with the minor successes; brushed all the kids’ teeth, mailed out two festival applications, spoke to my client. 

I remind myself that when I wake up it’ll be a new day, another chance to make things right.  I go to sleep thinking of the things I did right and what I did wrong, always checking to make sure that I stayed balanced that day, more successes than failures. I wake up every morning hoping that I can keep that balance tilted towards success that day. 

Every minute of every day I work to keep myself conscious of the decisions I make, always aware that I’m only one step away from being where I don’t want to be but even still some days I just want to sit. I want to wallow in self pity and not get up.  No wonder there are so many failures out there.  People get tired of rejection and disappointments, worn down from all the effort.

I think if I’m not careful, I could wear failure like an old coat- it may not be appealing but it keeps you comfortable and secure.