Top 5 Lessons of Marriage

Here are the top 5 lessons I’ve learned being with the same man for 16 years.

1.       You will contemplate divorce seriously once or twice a year. A couple times you will even go so far as to pack your bags, skim through the yellow pages for an attorney, or mentally start a getaway plan and calculate the division of assets in your head. Eventually you change your mind and a week later you forgot what you were so worked up about anyways.

2.       Sex stops. You go from frequent to infrequent and then finally to exclusive special occasions only, which is far less than the ten federally observed holidays. Each of you will go through the mourning period separately but then gradually get used to it.  I have heard that some couples rediscover it after the kids are all out of the house. By my count that means I have quite a few more years of abstinence ahead of me.

3.       If you don’t figure out early on that the grass is actually greener on your side and not the neighbors – you’re screwed.  There are always going to be those “picture perfect” couples that make you feel like your marriage must be in bad shape or that single friend who has the freedom you’re envious of. Better believe that picture perfect folks are usually full of sh*t and being single isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Stick to what you got. Cherish your own marriage, with all of it’s imperfections and inconveniences.

4.       There is an extremely thin line between love and hate. You can love someone more than yourself and still manage to hurt him or her with a contradicting callousness. You’ll promise never to hurt one another but you will and if you’re lucky you’ll forgive each other and stay because unconditional means exactly that. You learn to forgive the unforgivable just when you thought you couldn’t.

5.       Relationships have a shelf life. If you don’t work on it daily, yours will expire. This doesn’t mean you have to buy extravagant gifts or celebrate everything under the sun, just show up. Be there. Listen. If my husband eats dinner with me every night and listens to me gripe about work or gossip about people he doesn’t even know, I’m a happy girl. In return, I’ll go to that overpriced sports bar and watch a game that bores me to no end just to keep him company.

In short, marriage is hard work. Sometimes it’s boring, other times painful, and most often downright tiring but if you can find the right person it really is worth it!

Rolling  credits for the night.

  1. Ex
    September 29, 2010 at 10:53 AM

    So true…..sometimes I hv to go back to the day we stood before God and remind myself what brought us to that place in the first place…

  2. claring
    October 2, 2010 at 3:35 PM

    Your “wisdom for the day” always completes my day. Your stories either makes me cry (about racism) or laugh so hard. Your sense of humor is astounding and command of the english language is phenomenal (see, I even have to look at the dictionary so I can spell phenomenal right. That’s strange isn’t it …if we can’t spell the word correctly how can we find it in the dictionary? Of course, the process of elimination!).
    You are the present day “Rosie O’donnell” without the extra weight.

  3. JayDee
    November 23, 2010 at 2:31 PM

    This is so true. Even if you’re not married but in an exclusive relationship, IT IS hard work. And as you have stated, “Sometimes it’s boring, other times painful, and most often downright tiring but if you can find the right person it really is worth it!” 😉

  4. ventamatic
    December 5, 2010 at 7:54 AM

    i actually went through some of that, the “planning my escape part”, lol, i might just pass this blog onto my friend betsy, i just love that girl, lol.

  5. January 10, 2011 at 5:52 PM

    Your third point is well said! Don’t waste time wishing for another kind of marriage – remember all the reasons this person suits you so well. I try to avoid making negative remarks to my friends/family about my marriage – any problems I have with my husband, I let him know!!!! Once in a while, when I do give in and ask for marital advice, I’m shocked at how small my problem is compared to something the other person is going through and then I feel silly….

  6. January 17, 2011 at 9:33 AM

    I have nothing else to add… you nailed it… and I don’t mean that in a “creepy guy that hasn’t had sex in awhile” way. LOL.. just kidding. Great post, you have a great site, fun, interesting, well-written!

  7. brrrgirl
    January 20, 2011 at 6:19 PM

    It isn’t just me!!!! My husband is the comfortable old shoe that I would take over Jimmy Choo’s any day.

  8. January 20, 2012 at 8:15 AM

    As someone who has several dating disaster posts, take it from me that the singles game isn’t a whole lot of fun sometimes, so spending your life with someone special is always a better scenario, no matter the ups and downs!

    • January 21, 2012 at 5:22 PM

      I’ve just read some of your dating disaster posts…phew. Very glad I’m married. Oh, and I do admire how you like to fight SPAM w/SPAM. Quite the interesting tactic. If I’m ever in London I’ll buy you a beer…leave your mathematician buddy at home.

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