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The Things We Wait For

November 1, 2012 15 comments

Every semester for the last two years I’ve printed the 1L xxxx School of Law course schedule and kept it tucked inside a notebook hidden in my purse. I’ve been carrying it around as if the schedule were my own, praying that one day it would be.

In a life which I’ve devoted the better part of to raising a family, my hopes to pursue a law degree has been a secret desire buried twenty years beneath the daily conundrum of kids’ science projects, football practices, mortgage payments, the ups and downs of my husband’s business, and my own nine to five job. When you spend that much time folding laundry and refereeing sibling rivalry attempting law school seems more like a pipe dream and less than a reality. Perhaps even more restrictive of this law school fantasy of mine was that bachelor’s degree I lacked but required if my aspirations were to become anything more than an unsettled yearning in my chest. Read more…

Categories: Asian, College, Dysfunctional, Family, Filipino, Funny, Girl power, humor, husband, Inspirational, Kids, Law school, Lessons, Life, Moving, Parenting

It’s Almost G Day Folks!!

April 29, 2012 18 comments

I contemplated long and hard about writing this post. I wasn’t sure if I should be embarrassed…or proud.

I think people tend to be their own worst critics. Course, I don’t believe that about everyone. Browsing through my husband’s Facebook newsfeed, you might actually think otherwise. There’s definitely a good amount of tooting-your-own-horn going on over there. Maybe that’s why I don’t have a Facebook account. Heck if anyone wants to read snarky comments about my life every ten minutes on his or her feed. A few hours of that and I imagine people would start blocking me.

Truthfully, I always feel uncomfortable accepting compliments or praise and it’s a rare occasion I’m not kicking myself for something I wish I did better. It’s a little tiring really, flogging myself all the time. Read more…

Categories: College, Crazy, Embarrassing, Family, Funny, Girl power, humor, husband, Inspirational, Kids, Law school, Lessons, Life, Marriage, Mothers, Moving, Women Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Happy New Year…from my house to yours..

January 14, 2012 2 comments

Another year has come and gone, another memorable chapter in our lives closed.

It hadn’t been one of our better years. As individuals, and as a family, I think each of us learned new things about ourselves, strengths we didn’t realize we had and weaknesses we would’ve preferred keep to ourselves . My husband and I found ourselves doing a lot of much needed self reflection. We rediscovered what it takes to keep a family whole and how being happy with ourselves and each other plays a key role in that.

Between the hectic schedule of a family of six and despite our tumultuous summer, we’re all still laughing and driving each other nuts, in a good way..at least most of the time. Read more…

Categories: Asian, Crazy, Dysfunctional, Embarrassing, Family, Filipino, Funny, humor, husband, Inspirational, Kids, Lack of sex, Law school, Lessons, Life, Marriage, Mothers, Moving, Parenting, Women Tags: , , , , , , ,

The Problem With Desire

October 9, 2011 9 comments

It’s a hard thing to want something, and I mean really want something, with all of your heart, and every bit of your being.  So much so you can barely contain the elation in your voice when you talk about it, nor the flutter in your belly attesting to both extremes of excitement and apprehension. You find yourself struggling to keep the knot in your throat from rising just thinking about it, dreaming on it.

Yup, desire can do that to you.

Twenty years  of secretly coveting something for myself; almost a decade’s worth of semesters staggered between raising kids, juggling bills, and the daily grind of nine-to-five; and all the nights spent studying eight hours in one sitting until I was ready to poke my eyes out – I’m finally that much closer to my ultimate goal. But it’s the 11th hour and I find myself questioning everything that got me here, all of my efforts, every what-if and why-didn’t-I, and the actual probability of crossing the finish line at all. Read more…

Categories: College, Funny, Girl power, Inspirational, Law school, Lessons, Life, Marriage, Mothers, trying not to die, Women

Exhaustion

March 24, 2011 9 comments

I’m not a morning person, never have been. In fact, I have a love hate relationship with my snooze button. I need her, rely on her, religiously check on her just in case, but every morning I blindly smack her quiet for that luxurious ten more minutes of sleep. Who am I kidding? I set her for 6:30, but shush her half a dozen times before my husband has to coerce me out of bed with coffee at 7. And that’s on a good day.

The worse days entail me waking up to my fourteen year old standing above me citing I have fifteen minutes to get dressed and out the door. Better believe I’ve long since given up fixing my face and hair unless I can work that in while I warm up the car. I usually focus on just trying not to wear the same outfit two days in a row and some weeks I don’t even manage that.  Read more…

Categories: Crazy, depression, Dysfunctional, Family, Funny, humor, husband, Kids, Law school, Lessons, Life, Marriage, Mothers, Parenting, Uncategorized, Women

The voices in my head

November 27, 2010 3 comments

I have to wonder sometimes if I’m the only sane person who has voices screaming inside her head. What an oxymoron, right?

But really, doesn’t anyone else have moments where he (or she) finds himself questioning why in the heck they bother doing what they do? If it matters at all? Don’t the voices in your head just scream for you to give it up, let it go, to just forget it already?! But then there’s that stubborness in you that won’t allow you to stop until you’re done. Some call it tenacity, I prefer to call her the crazy voice in my head and I would like nothing more than to punch her quiet this morning.

It’s Saturday and I’ve already spent the last few hours trying to make sense of exponentials and logarithms. I’ve always thought of myself as a smart girl, but college algebra makes me question my sanity, tests my self confidence, and makes me feel downright stupid.

Add to that I have a ton of other things to prepare for; next week’s out of town conference for work, another research paper due for Business Ethics, FINALS!!, and I still have to do a practice run on fixing Kayla’s hair for her cheer competition next week, but instead here I am stuck on problem #5 on page 370 of Beecher’s 3rd Edition College Algebra.

Great, now the voices in my head are arguing. One is yelling at the other about this being the reality of a mom going back to school when she barely has enough energy to clean the house, another insists things will be okay, and then there’s a third voice who just keeps singing that New Radicals song over and over again. I’m so flustered, I’m not even sure which voice I want to smother. I could really cry right now, that is of course if I had the time, which I don’t.

I only wish I was as good at college algebra as my professor so smoothly explains it every Wednesday evening in room MH 208. Maybe then I could get on with my day and quit wallowing in self pity. I think I’ll make that my early Christmas wish. Dear Santa, if I’m good, will you please help my brain wrap around f(x)=-2(to the power of x) – 1. Don’t forget to show me how to graph it as well. xoxo Maria

Readers, thank you for listening to me vent this morning, I’m not usually this depressing. I still have several more hours of studying to go so….

Categories: College, Crazy, depression, Dysfunctional, Family, Funny, Girl power, humor, Inspirational, Kids, Law school, Lessons, Life, Marriage, Mothers, Moving, Parenting, trying not to die, Violent behavior, Women

I think I’m in love

November 17, 2010 Leave a comment

That 1L Torts class last night was…fascinating. I’m in love. A regular dreamy eyed undergrad anxiously awaiting her first year of law classes. Now, on to devoting the next year to preparing for the LSATs. Pray for me. I need it.

By the way, I did manage not to pee myself.

As an added bonus, I’ve discovered male law school students are hot. Either that or I’ve suddenly given everything and anything that has to do with law school instant credibility or more credit than might actually be due.

Whatever, I thought those older male law school students were hot. I hope they still look like that when I attend (or rather if I get to attend – did I already ask you to pray for me?).

Categories: College, Crazy, Funny, Girl power, Hot men, Inspirational, Law school, Life, Women

Trying not to pee myself

November 16, 2010 Leave a comment

I am leaving in 30 minutes for St. Mary’s Law School and I would like nothing more than to hurl, but I have nothing in my tummy to regurgitate since I’m so nervous I haven’t eaten anything all morning.

I’m like the too excited kid waiting to go to the circus afterschool; completely anxious and useless. Add to that scared. I will be sitting in for the entire 1L Torts class.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Maybe it has something to do with finally getting a taste, if only just a taste, of what I’ve wanted for such a long time. Maybe it’s the idea that I have the opportunity to make my dreams a reality if I can just keep my sh*t together. Or maybe it’s because I’ve actually decided to rant this, to say it out loud, laying my heart on the line and making myself vulnerable to my critics. Yup, I think that’s the winning answer.

Did I already mention I want to hurl? I act like I’m actually interviewing, or getting accepted, something more than just meeting with the Director of Recruitment and sitting in a class, but still, I’m so excited I’m trying not to pee myself.

Categories: Funny, Girl power, Inspirational, Law school, Life, Women

Why I write comical satire

November 12, 2010 Leave a comment

Wouldn’t all the crap in my life be experienced in vain if I couldn’t share my family’s dysfunction with others so that they, in turn, might gain some consolation in knowing at least their lives don’t exceed the lunacy I encounter everyday?

Categories: Cheap, College, Crazy, Dysfunctional, Family, Funny, Girl power, Hot men, Inspirational, Kids, Law school, Life, Marriage, Mothers, Parenting, Teenagers, Uncategorized, Women

Pipe dreams

September 23, 2010 1 comment

This has been a real clusterf*@k of a week. Sunday I wanted to cry, Monday I did, Tuesday seemed hopeful, Wednesday I was spent, and today’s only Thursday.

These are the bad days, my low points.  All the things I want for myself seem ridiculously out of reach and I get to thinking, ‘Who the hell am I kidding? I ain’t never gonna’ be more than what I am right now. Everything else…is just a pipe dream.’

Weeks this crazy I worry I’m not seeing enough of my kids. So sometimes when I get home late from class I tell them to sleep in my room, all four of them. It seems silly, but I just like to hear them breathing while they sleep. It’s comforting knowing I’m breathing in the same air as they are, it reminds me why I keep those pipe dreams.


Rolling credits for the night…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mQnhZMJMNo&feature=related

Categories: College, Crazy, depression, Family, Inspirational, Kids, Law school, Lessons, Life, Marriage, Mothers, Moving, Women