Home > Uncategorized > A walking peep show

A walking peep show

I’ve got a tendency to rush through the morning barely checking to see what I look like in the mirror. I also don’t like to admit clothes don’t fit me anymore because 1) I’m cheap and don’t want to buy more clothes and 2) I hate to admit I’ve gotten bigger. I tell myself I’ll eventually lose the weight and fit the outfit again. Typical woman.

That’s just me, my chest might be busting the buttons off my blouse, but I’ll insist the top still works.  Poor buttons are always screaming they’re only a thread away from flying off, but I feign ignorance. And even if my zipper comes undone everytime I sit, I’ll keep wearing them. I’ve perfected the ‘check my zipper as I stand’ move.

Anyway, my office happens to be the second to last down a long hallway so I have to pass almost everyone’s office just to get to mine. Now one morning I came in nice and jolly, even stopped by a co-worker’s office to say hello but when I got to my office I realized that somewhere between the car, through the parking garage, past security, up the elevator, and down the office hallway my blouse had become almost completely undone and there I was with the right side of my chest just hanging out. Victoria’s Secret not such a secret anymore. Yes, yes, I did have a (too small) bra on but still.

My goodies were just hanging out for the world to see. I was horrified when I thought, “My God, my co-workers saw me like this!” I was like the office peep show only no nickel required.

Later that day I pulled aside that co-worker I stopped and chatted with in the morning. No way he didn’t notice my boob hanging out. He’s a real nice guy, pretty well mannered. I just told him point blank, “Hey, we’re friends, right? OK, well do me a favor, the next time you see me with any of my body parts fully exposed can you let me know so I don’t further embarrass myself.”

I think he felt a little uncomfortable and replied, “Well, I guess I was just raised not to say anything that would embarrass anyone.”

I threw up my hands. “Seriously, I’m a big girl. I can take it. I’d rather someone tell me that I look like an idiot early on instead of going through the day not knowing. Look, in exchange I promise to tell you the next time you’ve got a booger in your nose or your fly is open, OK? Deal? Still friends?”  Still uncomfortable, he finally agreed.

These days I’ve been wearing safety pins to keep my too small blouse buttons from popping off. Taping the inside of your blouse, just behind the buttons, with clear packing tape works just as well, but you give off a crinkling sound when you walk. When that happens I just smile and act like I’m trying to figure out what that sound is, too.

Rolling credits…

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